There is a dilemma which almost demands a solution even before it arises. Many,MANY couples find themselves divorced or widow/widower. Whatever was the cause of the separation, the remaining spouse is usually left alone. The dilemma and solution is different for death and divorce.
In divorce, however bitter, both spouses live on. They are expected to lead separate lives and have the freedom to build new lives without consulting anyone. Sometimes,children can complicate that but are often overruled.
The widow/widower is a different condition with many sensitivities involved. The survivor is expected, at least out of respect for the deceased, to grieve for a respectable period of time, even years before launching into a romantic, or even friendly relationship with the opposite gender. This is an unfair burden because that is a lonely existence at a time when that person needs companionship while still grieving. Sack cloth and ashes are NOT called for.
My suggestion is, no matter how old or young the couple is, let each other AND any children know that once you are gone, a few months of mourning for the departed are adequate and then the surviving spouse has your blessing on any path the survivor wishes to build a new life. Without this declaration, the survivor is trapped in limbo between grieving, guilt, desires and appearances. This is not fair and makes the conditions more painful.
IF YOU LOVE YOUR SPOUSE, DO IT NOW!!
In divorce, however bitter, both spouses live on. They are expected to lead separate lives and have the freedom to build new lives without consulting anyone. Sometimes,children can complicate that but are often overruled.
The widow/widower is a different condition with many sensitivities involved. The survivor is expected, at least out of respect for the deceased, to grieve for a respectable period of time, even years before launching into a romantic, or even friendly relationship with the opposite gender. This is an unfair burden because that is a lonely existence at a time when that person needs companionship while still grieving. Sack cloth and ashes are NOT called for.
My suggestion is, no matter how old or young the couple is, let each other AND any children know that once you are gone, a few months of mourning for the departed are adequate and then the surviving spouse has your blessing on any path the survivor wishes to build a new life. Without this declaration, the survivor is trapped in limbo between grieving, guilt, desires and appearances. This is not fair and makes the conditions more painful.
IF YOU LOVE YOUR SPOUSE, DO IT NOW!!
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