It's been a long time/ Since I wrote a rhyme/ I thought tonight I would try/ But really, I don't know why/ I don't really have much to say/ But I'm gonna try anyway/ After all, it is a new year/ And I want to make it perfectly clear/ I don't believe in resolutions/ This year we need a revolution/ The President we have now is just a boy/ Elect a man and bring me joy.
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He had a "wart" on his arm/ Everyone looked with alarm/ He had it cut off at the VA/ The best part was he didn't have to pay.
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London Bridge is falling down/ Is it because Megan's in town?/All the English pubs are a-rocking/ That Megan's the rocker is really shocking/ Little ole Megan is out of her shell/ She's in England raisin' hell!
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I'm out here sittin' on my butt/ Your mother is inside getting her hair cut/ Don't know why she has to come so far/ Nothing to do but sit in the car/ If we were both bald we could save some money/ But then we'd have to live some place warm and sunny/ Don't think my head could stand the cold/ That's one of the problems with getting old.
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Seems like only yesterday/ I didn't even know the way/ The journey has been hard and long/ The ending proves I wasn't wrong.
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I have a lot to be thankful for/ Some I never thought about before/ My parents courage to come to a new land/ A perilous voyage with nothing in hand/ Leaving family and friends behind/ Not knowing what they would find/ My whole life is different from what it would have been/ The family I know would not be here/ If my parents had not overcome their fear/ I would have been on the Nazi side/ I would have found a place to hide/ I would have had a different wife/ Different children, a different life/ Knowing now what happened there/ I'm glad Mom and Pop could afford the fare/ I'm glad that things turned out this way/ I'll visit Italy but I don't want to stay.
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I just can't seem to stop/ I believe I've really blown my top/ I suppose it's a harmless pastime/ What harm is in a simple rhyme?/ It has to be better than beating your wife/ Then I'd be doing 20 to life/ So I think I'll avoid doing time/ I'd rather just continue to rhyme.
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Another week has just passed/ The time sure goes by fast/ The days and weeks just speed right by/ Can't keep track of the days, that's no lie/Seems all we do is sleep and eat/ At the end of the day, still feel beat/ Hope things liven up real soon/ Before I start howling at the moon.
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How old do you have to be to be "old"?/ You are as old as you feel, I'm told/ Age should be defined by something other than time/Maybe it should be tied to the ability to rhyme/ It's flattering to be told how good you look/ If they ever saw you naked the'd probably puke/ But in the end who cares how old you get/ As long as you get there with no regret.
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Watching a movie, soaking my feet/ It's a great feeling, really neat/ These dogs have been working for 86 years/ If they were union, they'd be in tears/We never really appreciate our body parts/ They work hard all day, don't wear out like carts/ Some leave them behind for others to use/ That's a good idea but only for "youse".
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We've got lots of snow/ Mommy still wants to go/ Doesn't really know where/ She is pulling her hair/ Guess we'll go out to eat/ It's hard with a guy who doesn't eat meat/ Maybe he'll just eat in the kitchen/ Then we're off to CB buffet and lots of chicken.
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Each different and beautiful in her own way/ I could sit and watch them the whole day/ I'm the luckiest pop-pop to have known you all/ Frankly, my dears, it's been a ball/ Few men have been as lucky as I/ Many never see their grandchildren before they die/ I got to enjoy and love every one/ I'll continue to enjoy them "cause I ain't done/ I just hope all my children will be as lucky too/ And have many grandchildren just like you/.
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Been in the house all day/ I just can't live this way/ I gotta go, can't stand still/ Can't go out, might catch a chill/Gonna be snow around until Spring/ Not good for my new golf swing/Aizona, here I come once more/ Frank and Xenia, open the door/I promise not to stay too long/ Just 'till the birds of Spring sing their song.
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All living creatures are born free/ That's God's gift to you and me/ No one has the right to take it away/ Hold it tight and defend it every day/ Some will try to take it by stealth/ They'll begin by taking your wealth/ They will nibble away at your freedom like mice/ The enemy is dangerous but may seem nice/If you don't pay attention to all that they do/ You'll wind up like an animal in a zoo/ Those who think it can't happen here/ Better pay attention and put down their beer.
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I was pondering the meaning of life today/ You know, "What's it all about?", as they say/ It's hard to know for sure what it's all about/ In Ireland, they believe it's aabout a pitcher of stout/ We in the U. S. think that is very queer/ Here we believe it's a full keg of beer.
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We have a new kitchen/ A nice place for Mom to cook chicken/ Also a new potty and shower/ A good place to kill an idle hour/All this was done by Frank and Nicole/ Now Momma's life is whole/Don't mess up the kitchen or bathroom/ Or momma's gonna chase you with a broom!
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Who named this place we call "Earth"?/ And what is the truth about it's birth?/Some say a "big bang" did it all/ There had to be a place for the pieces to fall/ What was the stuff that "banged?"/ And the space in which it hanged?/ Until we know from where it came/ Trying to define it is just a game/ Evolution makes sense to some/But where did what evolved come from?/ Before there was "something"/ Is it possible there was "nothing"?/But even "nothing" is something/ Even "nothing" had to come from somewhere/Sooner or later we must become aware/ That matter did not spring from "air"/ We must come to the realization/ That all that exists came from creation.
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Whose shoes are there on the kitchen floor?/ Gonna throw those shoes right out the door/ Don't wanna see those things in here no more/ If I see them again, there's gonna be war
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What did I do wrong/ They say, "Only the good die young"/ But as you can see, I'm still here/That must mean I've been bad, I fear/ I know I haven't been a saint/ But a real bad guy I ain't/ I must conclude the saying is wrong/ Otherwise, I couldn't have lived this long.
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I'd go on a book tour if I had time/ My publisher seems to enjoy my rhyme/I don't know what my public thinks/ Personally, I think it stinks/ It's fun to write about simple events/ Even if most don't make sense/ I want to thank my publisher/ My rantings would be lost if it weren't for her.
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My stomach thinks my throat's cut/ Wanna eat but I don't know what/ Mom's in the kitchen now/ Cooking something from a cow/ Whatever it is will be a surprize/ Hope I can eat it with open eyes/ Sometimes it's better not to look/ It depends on who's the cook/ I'm sure it will be something good/ I really don't care as long as it's food.
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Home again/ Damn the rain/ No golf today/ Mom had her way.
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It's the end of a day/ Beginning of night/ I'm startig to fade, eyes closing tight/ I can play golf for hours and hours/ Once I stop, I'm ready for the showers/ If there is a moral to this thing/ It's "Don't stop. Keep on moving"/ Good night. Sleep tight. Don't let the bed bugs bite. Keep moving!
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The wind is starting to blow/ Well, at least it's not snow/ But the dawn after the storm/ Will be more like the norm/ Clear, fresh smelling air/ No heat and humidity, just fair/ The next few days will be perfect in every way/ And as much as we would like to stay/ Another season will soon be here/ Bringing holidays and good cheer/ And before you can say, "Where dis summer go?"/ We'll be out there shovelling snow/ We'll complain for awhile and say, "What a bummer"/ Next thing you know. it'll be summer./
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Just had dinner/ What a winner/ Eggplant parm/ Right from my "farm"/ It was prepared by your mother/ Better than any other/ She's not Italian, my dears/ But her eggplant deserves our cheers. Go momma!
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Was gonna play golf but there ain't no sun/ Went to the A&P instead for "fun"/ Passed the cat food aisle and looked away/ Got used to seeing those cats at play/ Some still visit once in awhile/ Don't think they see me when I smile/ I may have to build them a winter home/ They don't know they are in my poem/ Doesn't matter if they know or not/ Now and then, I miss them a lot.
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I'm sitting here in my favorite seat/ Hoping "someine" will fix me something to eat/ I guess I could go fix my own food/ But when you do it yourself, doen't taste as good/ Maybe if I looked sad and started to droop/ Shhe's get up and fix me some soup/ But it looks like she's waiting for me to offer/ I'll go see if we have some Stouffer.
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I fell asleep in my chair/ When I awoke Mom wasn't there/I believe she's out on the DDD/ But through the walls I cannot see/ Don't know whether to go find out/ Or just close my eyes and pass out.
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Just read volume one of my text/ Usally people ask, "What's next?"/ But reading the ramblings of a demented mind/ Is much less fun than an "Idol" rewind/ If you ever really have nothing to do/ Dr. John's Rhymes is the book for you/ It's filled with thoughts both deep and wild/ Can't tell if the author is adult or child/ They'll all have you scatching your head/ Bewildered and wondering what was said/ But of one thing you can all be sure/ His condition is one for which there's no cure.
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In a small town on the East Coast/Where we'd freeeze in Winter and in Summer roast/Lived a little girl named Mary Lynn? Who had chubby cheeks but was very thin
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Soon it will be Father's Day/ And you know what I always say/ Don't want nothin' nohow/Got my presents when you were born, wow/ Father's Day is something made up/ Just, when I'm talkig, please, shut up/A little respect will do just fine/ Don't need clothes,cigars, whiskey or wine/If you just show up here once in awhile/ That's good enough for me and it'll make me smile.
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We went to the sto'/ Ain't goin' there no mo/ Every time we go/ It costs me a lotsa do/ Wouldn't be so bad ifn we had something to show/ But must turns to junk and we throws it out the do'._______________________________________________________________________________
He was a cute little baby but mean as could be/ He used to go crazy when he saw me/ He new when I came his mommy was going out/ Then he'd let out a godawful shout/He'd kick, scream and call me names/ He wouldn't have cared if I burst into flamesBut as time passed by/ He found out it didn't help to cry/He became a sweetheart of a kid/ Didn't care anymore what I did/ Then without warning he turned into a tree/ He grew so tall he was hard to see/When you looked up, all you could see/ Was a whole lot of ribs sticking out of a tree/ Now he's all grown up, way up in the air/A handsome young man, even without hair/ My story ends now, I've no more to say/ Except Jackie, I love you and Happy Birthday!
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Sitttin' in a car racing down the highway/ I'd be home watching TV if I had my way/ Driving for 6-7 hours to say Happy Birthday/ Makes no sense when you can phone anyway/But people think birthdays are worth celebrating/ But in my book they don't mean a thing/So you're another year older and closer to death/ Why celebrate that, why waste your breath?/ Some day people will learn/ To just live their lives without concern.
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I'm not afraid of anything/ Make me mad and I'll start to swing/ You cross me and you'll be down and out/ I'll rip out your tongue and bloody your sout/ But when my Hooogie calls, I'm as sweet as pie/ I'm sure you all know why/ You think you're tough and king of the street/ But when mamma's around she can't be beat/It's not that she's tough, nothing like that/ But she walks around with a baseball bat/ Don't tell her I said all those terrible things/ "Cause if you do, she will clip my wings/It's bad enough I can't get out of a chair/ But one thing I want is to keep my hair/But today, as you know, is Mother's Day/ So for now I'll let her have her way.
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It was very cold and the wind was blowing/ The only good thing was it wasn't snowing/ The music was good and so was the food/ All in all, things were very good/ When the wine began to flow/ No one said "I want to go"/ So the party continued for hours more/ When it was over, bodies were all over the floor/ It really was a very fun day/ The best part was I didn't have to pay.
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Seems like a long time since last I wrote/ I think it was cold then and I wore a coat/Now I'm sweating and watching TV/ No fan, no air, woe is me/ Could go outside, it's cooler there/ Or I could go to bednwhere we do have air/ I'll let you go now if you don't mind/ I'm going to the fridge to see what I can find.
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We named her Gail/ Which rhymes with whale/ But she was dainty and pretty/ Also turned out to be witty/ When she was young, she was reserved and shy/ If yo8u had known her beauty, you'd ask "Why?"/ Later she became mom to five beautiful girls/ All as pretty as mommy with a headful of curls/ None of whom would be here today/ If she hadn't had a Happy Birthday!
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There was a young lady named Sally Louise/ She always tried to hard to please/ Time after time, she could never say "NO"/ As a result she was always on the go/ Helping everyone else all of her life/ Hardly had time to be a wife/ I hope those she's helped some day realize/ She's more than a mother and wife, she's the number one prize!
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She was the sweetest child in God's creation/ She showed a big smile in appreciation/ When Jill stopped by to make faces and coo/ She wiggled and squirmed, it was all she could do/ Now after six years of care and love/ She's more precious than ever with help from above/ She brightens the life of all those who know her/ From the beginning, she's been a heavenly wonder/She teases, laughs and giggles a lot/ What life would be without her we know not/ At the end of the day/ All we can say/ Is thank God for Jasmine Muldowney/ Who has made many people happy.
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A little girl named Carol Jean/ Was very cute but really mean/ She would always wear a pretty dress/ She would never ever make a mess/ She always had to have her way/ She's still the same until today/ Everyone hopes she'll become sweeter/ Not much chance unles you beat her/ But she really wouldn't be quite the same/ It would be like changing her name.
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Wore my "aids" all day? I still asked, "Whatchasay?"/ I'm not sure if I had to say it/ Or if it's just the "huh" habit/ Only time will let me know/ If my "aids" will stay or go.
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Sitting here LISTENNG to TV/ I can hear as well as I can see/ My fake teeth just ate fettuccini/One more fake body part and I'll be Mr. Machiney.
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The time has come to say "Good night"/ Gonna crawl inti bed and curl up tight/ And if my nose behaves and whispers low/ I may get through the night without getting the elbow/ But if it fails to be quiet/ The lady in question may put me on a diet/ That might not be as bad as it sounds/ May keep me from adding a few pounds/ But if Mr. Nose makes a gentle peep/ Maybe we'll both have a good night's sleep.
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She was her mother's first baby/ Chubby, cranky and a little bit crazy/ She didn't care much for sleep/ Made her Mom and Dad weep/ But mommy learned fast/ Baby went to sleep at last/ They all were so full of joy/ They were happy she wasn't a boy/ As time quickly flew by/ Mother asked herself why/ Babies waiting to be born, standing in line/ God picked this special angel to be mine.
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Two weeks ago today/ We're still here to say/ It's great to be alive/ And I tell you that ain't ni jive/A flash of light and then a bang/ For a brief moment my ears rang/ Thought it was St. Pete/ But it was junk hitting the street/ Then the cops came/ Asked if we had pain/ Said we didn't know/ Gave the car a tow/ Called Donny for a ride/ Tried to smile wide/ Home safe at last/ It had not been a blast/ Happy all turned out well/ I could now be in Hell/ Instead I'm in heaven/ Lots of grandchildren, 22 plus 7/ The end of my story/ Not quite as gory/ Home with my Hoogie/ Watching a movie.
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On the first day of August in '54/ My very first patient crawled through my door/ He was 6' 5" and weighed a ton/ I knew that was not gonna be fun/ I lowered the table as well as I could/ Then jumped on his back like a truck load of wood/He grunted and groaned then let out a yell/ But when he got up he knew he was well.
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His hair was long with a curl/ Some said he looked like a girl/ He was handsome and tall/ But the hair said it all/ He was hiding under an umbrella of hair/ Afraid all the girls would think he was fair/Had his hair shorn/ Looked like a newborn/ Discovered his head is round/ Uncovered ears heard a new sound/ Without bangs like a waterfall/ He discovered he could see it all. (Bo, welcome to the land of the living!)
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She was the cutest baby I had ever seen/ Destined to become a beauty queen/ With big, dark eyes/ She lit up the skies/ At first she was quiet and shy/ But as she grew older, Oh my!/ Cute turned to pretty/ Became funny and witty/ Thought boys were all kooks/ 'Til they gave her those looks/ Now she's all grown up/ Has a cat and a pup/ Just a little bit lazy/ Drives all the boys crazy/ Some day soon/ You'll see her swoon/ Over some handsome guy/ But she won't know why/ But then she'll fin out/ What life's all about.
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I'm doin' great/ But I'm runnin' late/ Work from 9 to 5/ At 10 PM, I come alive/Don't sleep much nights/ I'm out seein' the sights/ Doin' every party/ With my good buddy, Marty/Met a mighty fine chick/ When we met you could hear the "click"/ Partied all night 'til almost four/ Had to force myself out the door/ Woke up this morning a little bit late/Didn't think i'd make it out the gate/ Got to work a little bit tardy/ But that's OK, my boss is Marty.
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He had a "wart" on his arm/ Everyone looked with alarm/ He had it cut off at the VA/ The best part was he didn't have to pay.
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London Bridge is falling down/ Is it because Megan's in town?/All the English pubs are a-rocking/ That Megan's the rocker is really shocking/ Little ole Megan is out of her shell/ She's in England raisin' hell!
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I'm out here sittin' on my butt/ Your mother is inside getting her hair cut/ Don't know why she has to come so far/ Nothing to do but sit in the car/ If we were both bald we could save some money/ But then we'd have to live some place warm and sunny/ Don't think my head could stand the cold/ That's one of the problems with getting old.
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Seems like only yesterday/ I didn't even know the way/ The journey has been hard and long/ The ending proves I wasn't wrong.
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I have a lot to be thankful for/ Some I never thought about before/ My parents courage to come to a new land/ A perilous voyage with nothing in hand/ Leaving family and friends behind/ Not knowing what they would find/ My whole life is different from what it would have been/ The family I know would not be here/ If my parents had not overcome their fear/ I would have been on the Nazi side/ I would have found a place to hide/ I would have had a different wife/ Different children, a different life/ Knowing now what happened there/ I'm glad Mom and Pop could afford the fare/ I'm glad that things turned out this way/ I'll visit Italy but I don't want to stay.
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I just can't seem to stop/ I believe I've really blown my top/ I suppose it's a harmless pastime/ What harm is in a simple rhyme?/ It has to be better than beating your wife/ Then I'd be doing 20 to life/ So I think I'll avoid doing time/ I'd rather just continue to rhyme.
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Another week has just passed/ The time sure goes by fast/ The days and weeks just speed right by/ Can't keep track of the days, that's no lie/Seems all we do is sleep and eat/ At the end of the day, still feel beat/ Hope things liven up real soon/ Before I start howling at the moon.
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How old do you have to be to be "old"?/ You are as old as you feel, I'm told/ Age should be defined by something other than time/Maybe it should be tied to the ability to rhyme/ It's flattering to be told how good you look/ If they ever saw you naked the'd probably puke/ But in the end who cares how old you get/ As long as you get there with no regret.
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Watching a movie, soaking my feet/ It's a great feeling, really neat/ These dogs have been working for 86 years/ If they were union, they'd be in tears/We never really appreciate our body parts/ They work hard all day, don't wear out like carts/ Some leave them behind for others to use/ That's a good idea but only for "youse".
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We've got lots of snow/ Mommy still wants to go/ Doesn't really know where/ She is pulling her hair/ Guess we'll go out to eat/ It's hard with a guy who doesn't eat meat/ Maybe he'll just eat in the kitchen/ Then we're off to CB buffet and lots of chicken.
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Each different and beautiful in her own way/ I could sit and watch them the whole day/ I'm the luckiest pop-pop to have known you all/ Frankly, my dears, it's been a ball/ Few men have been as lucky as I/ Many never see their grandchildren before they die/ I got to enjoy and love every one/ I'll continue to enjoy them "cause I ain't done/ I just hope all my children will be as lucky too/ And have many grandchildren just like you/.
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Been in the house all day/ I just can't live this way/ I gotta go, can't stand still/ Can't go out, might catch a chill/Gonna be snow around until Spring/ Not good for my new golf swing/Aizona, here I come once more/ Frank and Xenia, open the door/I promise not to stay too long/ Just 'till the birds of Spring sing their song.
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All living creatures are born free/ That's God's gift to you and me/ No one has the right to take it away/ Hold it tight and defend it every day/ Some will try to take it by stealth/ They'll begin by taking your wealth/ They will nibble away at your freedom like mice/ The enemy is dangerous but may seem nice/If you don't pay attention to all that they do/ You'll wind up like an animal in a zoo/ Those who think it can't happen here/ Better pay attention and put down their beer.
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I was pondering the meaning of life today/ You know, "What's it all about?", as they say/ It's hard to know for sure what it's all about/ In Ireland, they believe it's aabout a pitcher of stout/ We in the U. S. think that is very queer/ Here we believe it's a full keg of beer.
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We have a new kitchen/ A nice place for Mom to cook chicken/ Also a new potty and shower/ A good place to kill an idle hour/All this was done by Frank and Nicole/ Now Momma's life is whole/Don't mess up the kitchen or bathroom/ Or momma's gonna chase you with a broom!
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Who named this place we call "Earth"?/ And what is the truth about it's birth?/Some say a "big bang" did it all/ There had to be a place for the pieces to fall/ What was the stuff that "banged?"/ And the space in which it hanged?/ Until we know from where it came/ Trying to define it is just a game/ Evolution makes sense to some/But where did what evolved come from?/ Before there was "something"/ Is it possible there was "nothing"?/But even "nothing" is something/ Even "nothing" had to come from somewhere/Sooner or later we must become aware/ That matter did not spring from "air"/ We must come to the realization/ That all that exists came from creation.
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Whose shoes are there on the kitchen floor?/ Gonna throw those shoes right out the door/ Don't wanna see those things in here no more/ If I see them again, there's gonna be war
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What did I do wrong/ They say, "Only the good die young"/ But as you can see, I'm still here/That must mean I've been bad, I fear/ I know I haven't been a saint/ But a real bad guy I ain't/ I must conclude the saying is wrong/ Otherwise, I couldn't have lived this long.
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I'd go on a book tour if I had time/ My publisher seems to enjoy my rhyme/I don't know what my public thinks/ Personally, I think it stinks/ It's fun to write about simple events/ Even if most don't make sense/ I want to thank my publisher/ My rantings would be lost if it weren't for her.
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My stomach thinks my throat's cut/ Wanna eat but I don't know what/ Mom's in the kitchen now/ Cooking something from a cow/ Whatever it is will be a surprize/ Hope I can eat it with open eyes/ Sometimes it's better not to look/ It depends on who's the cook/ I'm sure it will be something good/ I really don't care as long as it's food.
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Home again/ Damn the rain/ No golf today/ Mom had her way.
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It's the end of a day/ Beginning of night/ I'm startig to fade, eyes closing tight/ I can play golf for hours and hours/ Once I stop, I'm ready for the showers/ If there is a moral to this thing/ It's "Don't stop. Keep on moving"/ Good night. Sleep tight. Don't let the bed bugs bite. Keep moving!
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The wind is starting to blow/ Well, at least it's not snow/ But the dawn after the storm/ Will be more like the norm/ Clear, fresh smelling air/ No heat and humidity, just fair/ The next few days will be perfect in every way/ And as much as we would like to stay/ Another season will soon be here/ Bringing holidays and good cheer/ And before you can say, "Where dis summer go?"/ We'll be out there shovelling snow/ We'll complain for awhile and say, "What a bummer"/ Next thing you know. it'll be summer./
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Just had dinner/ What a winner/ Eggplant parm/ Right from my "farm"/ It was prepared by your mother/ Better than any other/ She's not Italian, my dears/ But her eggplant deserves our cheers. Go momma!
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Was gonna play golf but there ain't no sun/ Went to the A&P instead for "fun"/ Passed the cat food aisle and looked away/ Got used to seeing those cats at play/ Some still visit once in awhile/ Don't think they see me when I smile/ I may have to build them a winter home/ They don't know they are in my poem/ Doesn't matter if they know or not/ Now and then, I miss them a lot.
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I'm sitting here in my favorite seat/ Hoping "someine" will fix me something to eat/ I guess I could go fix my own food/ But when you do it yourself, doen't taste as good/ Maybe if I looked sad and started to droop/ Shhe's get up and fix me some soup/ But it looks like she's waiting for me to offer/ I'll go see if we have some Stouffer.
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I fell asleep in my chair/ When I awoke Mom wasn't there/I believe she's out on the DDD/ But through the walls I cannot see/ Don't know whether to go find out/ Or just close my eyes and pass out.
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Just read volume one of my text/ Usally people ask, "What's next?"/ But reading the ramblings of a demented mind/ Is much less fun than an "Idol" rewind/ If you ever really have nothing to do/ Dr. John's Rhymes is the book for you/ It's filled with thoughts both deep and wild/ Can't tell if the author is adult or child/ They'll all have you scatching your head/ Bewildered and wondering what was said/ But of one thing you can all be sure/ His condition is one for which there's no cure.
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In a small town on the East Coast/Where we'd freeeze in Winter and in Summer roast/Lived a little girl named Mary Lynn? Who had chubby cheeks but was very thin
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Soon it will be Father's Day/ And you know what I always say/ Don't want nothin' nohow/Got my presents when you were born, wow/ Father's Day is something made up/ Just, when I'm talkig, please, shut up/A little respect will do just fine/ Don't need clothes,cigars, whiskey or wine/If you just show up here once in awhile/ That's good enough for me and it'll make me smile.
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We went to the sto'/ Ain't goin' there no mo/ Every time we go/ It costs me a lotsa do/ Wouldn't be so bad ifn we had something to show/ But must turns to junk and we throws it out the do'._______________________________________________________________________________
He was a cute little baby but mean as could be/ He used to go crazy when he saw me/ He new when I came his mommy was going out/ Then he'd let out a godawful shout/He'd kick, scream and call me names/ He wouldn't have cared if I burst into flamesBut as time passed by/ He found out it didn't help to cry/He became a sweetheart of a kid/ Didn't care anymore what I did/ Then without warning he turned into a tree/ He grew so tall he was hard to see/When you looked up, all you could see/ Was a whole lot of ribs sticking out of a tree/ Now he's all grown up, way up in the air/A handsome young man, even without hair/ My story ends now, I've no more to say/ Except Jackie, I love you and Happy Birthday!
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Sitttin' in a car racing down the highway/ I'd be home watching TV if I had my way/ Driving for 6-7 hours to say Happy Birthday/ Makes no sense when you can phone anyway/But people think birthdays are worth celebrating/ But in my book they don't mean a thing/So you're another year older and closer to death/ Why celebrate that, why waste your breath?/ Some day people will learn/ To just live their lives without concern.
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I'm not afraid of anything/ Make me mad and I'll start to swing/ You cross me and you'll be down and out/ I'll rip out your tongue and bloody your sout/ But when my Hooogie calls, I'm as sweet as pie/ I'm sure you all know why/ You think you're tough and king of the street/ But when mamma's around she can't be beat/It's not that she's tough, nothing like that/ But she walks around with a baseball bat/ Don't tell her I said all those terrible things/ "Cause if you do, she will clip my wings/It's bad enough I can't get out of a chair/ But one thing I want is to keep my hair/But today, as you know, is Mother's Day/ So for now I'll let her have her way.
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It was very cold and the wind was blowing/ The only good thing was it wasn't snowing/ The music was good and so was the food/ All in all, things were very good/ When the wine began to flow/ No one said "I want to go"/ So the party continued for hours more/ When it was over, bodies were all over the floor/ It really was a very fun day/ The best part was I didn't have to pay.
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Seems like a long time since last I wrote/ I think it was cold then and I wore a coat/Now I'm sweating and watching TV/ No fan, no air, woe is me/ Could go outside, it's cooler there/ Or I could go to bednwhere we do have air/ I'll let you go now if you don't mind/ I'm going to the fridge to see what I can find.
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We named her Gail/ Which rhymes with whale/ But she was dainty and pretty/ Also turned out to be witty/ When she was young, she was reserved and shy/ If yo8u had known her beauty, you'd ask "Why?"/ Later she became mom to five beautiful girls/ All as pretty as mommy with a headful of curls/ None of whom would be here today/ If she hadn't had a Happy Birthday!
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There was a young lady named Sally Louise/ She always tried to hard to please/ Time after time, she could never say "NO"/ As a result she was always on the go/ Helping everyone else all of her life/ Hardly had time to be a wife/ I hope those she's helped some day realize/ She's more than a mother and wife, she's the number one prize!
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She was the sweetest child in God's creation/ She showed a big smile in appreciation/ When Jill stopped by to make faces and coo/ She wiggled and squirmed, it was all she could do/ Now after six years of care and love/ She's more precious than ever with help from above/ She brightens the life of all those who know her/ From the beginning, she's been a heavenly wonder/She teases, laughs and giggles a lot/ What life would be without her we know not/ At the end of the day/ All we can say/ Is thank God for Jasmine Muldowney/ Who has made many people happy.
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A little girl named Carol Jean/ Was very cute but really mean/ She would always wear a pretty dress/ She would never ever make a mess/ She always had to have her way/ She's still the same until today/ Everyone hopes she'll become sweeter/ Not much chance unles you beat her/ But she really wouldn't be quite the same/ It would be like changing her name.
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Wore my "aids" all day? I still asked, "Whatchasay?"/ I'm not sure if I had to say it/ Or if it's just the "huh" habit/ Only time will let me know/ If my "aids" will stay or go.
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Sitting here LISTENNG to TV/ I can hear as well as I can see/ My fake teeth just ate fettuccini/One more fake body part and I'll be Mr. Machiney.
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The time has come to say "Good night"/ Gonna crawl inti bed and curl up tight/ And if my nose behaves and whispers low/ I may get through the night without getting the elbow/ But if it fails to be quiet/ The lady in question may put me on a diet/ That might not be as bad as it sounds/ May keep me from adding a few pounds/ But if Mr. Nose makes a gentle peep/ Maybe we'll both have a good night's sleep.
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She was her mother's first baby/ Chubby, cranky and a little bit crazy/ She didn't care much for sleep/ Made her Mom and Dad weep/ But mommy learned fast/ Baby went to sleep at last/ They all were so full of joy/ They were happy she wasn't a boy/ As time quickly flew by/ Mother asked herself why/ Babies waiting to be born, standing in line/ God picked this special angel to be mine.
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Two weeks ago today/ We're still here to say/ It's great to be alive/ And I tell you that ain't ni jive/A flash of light and then a bang/ For a brief moment my ears rang/ Thought it was St. Pete/ But it was junk hitting the street/ Then the cops came/ Asked if we had pain/ Said we didn't know/ Gave the car a tow/ Called Donny for a ride/ Tried to smile wide/ Home safe at last/ It had not been a blast/ Happy all turned out well/ I could now be in Hell/ Instead I'm in heaven/ Lots of grandchildren, 22 plus 7/ The end of my story/ Not quite as gory/ Home with my Hoogie/ Watching a movie.
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On the first day of August in '54/ My very first patient crawled through my door/ He was 6' 5" and weighed a ton/ I knew that was not gonna be fun/ I lowered the table as well as I could/ Then jumped on his back like a truck load of wood/He grunted and groaned then let out a yell/ But when he got up he knew he was well.
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His hair was long with a curl/ Some said he looked like a girl/ He was handsome and tall/ But the hair said it all/ He was hiding under an umbrella of hair/ Afraid all the girls would think he was fair/Had his hair shorn/ Looked like a newborn/ Discovered his head is round/ Uncovered ears heard a new sound/ Without bangs like a waterfall/ He discovered he could see it all. (Bo, welcome to the land of the living!)
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She was the cutest baby I had ever seen/ Destined to become a beauty queen/ With big, dark eyes/ She lit up the skies/ At first she was quiet and shy/ But as she grew older, Oh my!/ Cute turned to pretty/ Became funny and witty/ Thought boys were all kooks/ 'Til they gave her those looks/ Now she's all grown up/ Has a cat and a pup/ Just a little bit lazy/ Drives all the boys crazy/ Some day soon/ You'll see her swoon/ Over some handsome guy/ But she won't know why/ But then she'll fin out/ What life's all about.
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I'm doin' great/ But I'm runnin' late/ Work from 9 to 5/ At 10 PM, I come alive/Don't sleep much nights/ I'm out seein' the sights/ Doin' every party/ With my good buddy, Marty/Met a mighty fine chick/ When we met you could hear the "click"/ Partied all night 'til almost four/ Had to force myself out the door/ Woke up this morning a little bit late/Didn't think i'd make it out the gate/ Got to work a little bit tardy/ But that's OK, my boss is Marty.
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